meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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