I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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