Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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