The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize