I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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