Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
