GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
