How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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