Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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