I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
