omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
