so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
