Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
