Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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