I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
