If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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