i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
