We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My vagina is officially offended.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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