Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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