you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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