my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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