Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
