It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
