I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
