I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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