Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize