I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You made out with two different species that night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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