Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize