I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
