Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
