I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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