The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize