just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
