Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is my gift to your gina
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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