i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
