You made me cry and you don't even care
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
