Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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