I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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