I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
