Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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