cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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