I wanna bring you to show and tell
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize