he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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