Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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