Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
