My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
