I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize