New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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