Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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