Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
