Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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