I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
