My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
