You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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