Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
