pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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