Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
