If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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