SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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