I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
