I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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