im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
