A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
