i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
