You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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