he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
