I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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